It may not always be easy to maintain a thankful heart when in the midst of an emotional firestorm. Or when in the eye of a financial hurricane and you're just waiting for everything to spin your  "security" out of control.

The ability to bow before our Holy God in thankfulness when we feel our life is in a downward spiral does not come naturally. It must be cultivated. Our human hearts react emotionally to our circumstances. Our human responses of fear and anxiety are not sinful. They are natural. 

The ability to express thankfulness to the Creator and Master of the Universe springs from the humble acknowledgment that He is God and I am not.. He is my Heavenly Father who loves me and has everything under control. He has my life - all of it in His hands and will see me through whatever trial I must go through.

 Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.  1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NLT)

                            Micah 7:7 As for me, I look to the Lord for help.
                                      I wait confidently for God to save me,
                                   and my God will certainly hear me. (VOICE)

Waiting patiently on the Lord is much more challenging than it sounds.  I believe I am significantly more patient than most. And although I long ago came to the realization that one does not get everything one wants; I still find this wait is not building my faith. It's leading, rather, to the questioning of it.

It is not God I question. I know God is all powerful. That He spoke the world into being and that, at His command, sorrows can evaporate. Still, daily in this world, we will have troubles - or comfort one who does. It will find us. For some, the assaults can be relentless and, without hope, they seek relief in destructive ways. God delights in giving us our heart's desire. But for His reasons, He may elect not to do so. God may not choose to answer in the affirmative. His response may be, "Not now."

Knowing when to accept things as they are or patiently wait for God to deliver, requires faith. I know on any given day I am vulnerable to falling into the abyss of self-pity. My faith is inadequate. So I will wait upon the Lord to deliver me.
 ...“I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)

                                 Micah 7:7    |   Revelation 1:8    |   Numbers 6:24-26

He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you But to do justly, To love mercy,  And to walk humbly with your God?   Micah 6:8

I'm not sure where exactly God is leading me. I am certain of very little in this life. For now, however, I believe God is calling me to share my faith and my love for Him. And to share the experiences that have helped to strengthen it.

My nature would silence me. It whispers, "Nobody cares what you have to say. What makes you think anyone is interested in your life?" That could very well be true. I listen to others and sometimes wonder, "What makes you so sure you are right, or that anyone cares even if you are?"

God created every one of us. He gave us value and created us for His purpose. I have no confidence whatsoever in my ability to make the right choices. That is why I depend on Him to put me on the path of His choosing, not mine. I ask, and sometimes the answer is abundantly clear. Other times there is noise and confusion, and I may not be so sure. I may wander in a direction that He didn't plan for me to go. I'm okay with that. 

I know He's still in control. He will close a door, redirect me, or do whatever it takes  - because He's got it covered.

I need not compare my path to that of another. I need only, in humility, listen to God as He leads. 


                                              Ephesians 2:10   |   Micah 6:8

A necessity to my spiritual life is my time alone with God in the morning. It is my quiet time with Him. Reading my devotional, and spending time with Him in prayer and His word sets the tone of my day. It gets me in the right frame of mind to face whatever the day holds for me.

Sometimes the day doesn't begin so well. A restless night, unsettling dreams or concerns about the day ahead could, if I let them affect my entire day. But when I allow God's word to speak to me, and I journal my prayers, it eliminates the cloud that hovers over my spirit threatening storms through all my endeavors.

The clouds of distraction can cause other problems creating a snowball effect. But when I refocus on the love and glory of the Lord. His Son-Light melts that snowball and drives out the clouds.

I always begin with praise and a thankful heart. It may feel at times as if there is little for which I can be thankful. That is only because my focus is on my circumstances, mood, just how I feel at any given moment. It's because I'm not considering all the things that I have for which I can be thankful.

So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. 2 Cor. 4:18 (NLT)

The first and greatest thing I can be grateful for is that God is an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-seeing God who loves each and every one of us. The second is that out of His great love He called me to be His. He gave me this desire to know Him. I didn't develop it on my own. I simply choose not to ignore His invitation.

Create a quiet space of your own to be with God. Let Him be the commander of your day. In your war room, under His Leadership, plan your strategy for defeating the distractions that the devil may use to undermine your day - and your faith.

We may have battles to face. But with God by our side, they are battles we can win.

                           2 Corinthians 4:17-18     |     Isaiah 6:3    |     Psalm 130:5                  

In spite of circumstances, in spite of disappointments and heartache and pain of this life; God, in His great love, has put His song in my heart.  He has chosen me and it fills my heart with joy.

In times of despair when my world is unsettled, He sings His love song to me. I follow His melody, and it places me on solid ground. When I set my eyes on him instead of my sorrow, I can sing my songs of praise to Him.

We are in perfect harmony as I allow His Light to lead me out of my darkness.

9 But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;  1 Peter 2:9 (NKJV)

                             Jeremiah 31:3     |     Isaiah 61:10   |      1 Peter 2:7-11

​Though my circumstances may not improve - and perhaps have led me to be even more disheartened, I know that as long as I remain close to Him, in His word and constant prayer, I know that I'm walking in His Presence. It is God that harvests the Spirit's fruit within me.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!   Galatians 3:22-23 (NLT)

I cannot harvest this fruit on my own because He alone is the source. I cannot experience His spiritual "nutrition" if I am not near Him to receive it.

How amazing it is that He can produce such sweet fruit in us when our circumstances can at times be so bitter.

                                                       John 3:8     |   Galatians 5:16-26

​Today the Jesus Calling author is instructing me to "WELCOME CHALLENGING TIMES as opportunities..."

Well, in response I must say, I have, and I do. I know many people who don't want to be challenged. They don't want to "expand their territory," take on an added responsibility, learn a new skill, or life lesson. That isn't me. I enjoy learning - anything.

​In all honesty, I must also say I'm growing very weary of the challenge. I would like a break from the challenge of putting on a happy face when I'm anything but happy. I'd like a respite from the constant trials and tribulations that come with this life that make every day a struggle to get through.

I'd like relief from the piercing guilt I feel over my internal daily pity party. I feel shame as I consider the "real" challenges of those who are suffering grief, terminal illness, loss, paralysis, emotional trauma and all the other problems far greater than mine. There is always someone who has a problem greater than our own.

The author warns of the mistake of measuring our strength against the challenges we face. That is one mistake I don't make. Some have commented on "how strong" I must be. I surrendered any notion of my independent strength. I long ago learned it is worthless against the challenges I have had to face in this fallen world.

Trust in what the Lord for what He has already done and in what He plans to do is a requirement for me to keep up this inorganic strength and hope. I begin every day with a thankful heart - in spite of whether my current circumstance, This choice provides the smile that would otherwise be disingenuous and betray the hurt in my heart.

If one gets a glimpse of my pearly whites, it is not because my sorrows have ended and I feel happy.  "Happy" has not been in my dictionary of emotions for some time now. I don't expect it to reappear any time in the near future.

It is possible only by His Light beaming from His Perfect Peace. That  alone, is my Joy. 

                               James 1:2        |       Philippians 4:13       |        Isaiah 26:        

I have to confess. I am struggling. My intentions to be disciplined and dedicated are failing. Though I'm failing, for now, to meet my own expectations of what I believe God is calling me to do, I am encouraged every day when I continue in His presence.

I am reminded in today's reading that "the world is in a fallen condition," **and "things always seem to be unraveling around the edges." ** But He doesn't leave me in despair. It continues, "At the same time, trust that My way is perfect, even in the midst of such messy imperfection."**

As long as I stay connected to My Heavenly Father, I can remain hopeful. I can expect to fail. I can expect the world to disappoint - and even break my heart. Though I can count on sometimes being too worn out to keep fighting, and too worn out from the same battles I've been fighting, as long as I can still turn my eyes upon Jesus, I will find strength and joy, and His Peace.

                                                               Psalm 18:30  |  Isaiah 41:13

** Jesus Calling , June 1  pg 160

John 16:33 I have told you these things so that you will be whole and at peace. In this world, you will be plagued with times of trouble, but you need not fear; I have triumphed over this corrupt world order. (VOICE)

I confess, my world is not at peace. I wake each day in uncertainty about my future. I have a home. I have family and people who care about me. But my husband, my partner and best friend, he cannot share my days. He is not present when I awaken to help me face the trial(s) and rejoice in the victories of the day. I cannot reconcile why individuals have chosen to make compound my suffering. Waking at night, I wrestle with the reality of my world.

Then I allow God to once again, fill me with His peace.

My circumstances have not changed. I recognize my trials for what they are - the fallout of the spiritual battle that we all face. Instead of retreating in defeat, I return to my refuge. There in God's presence, I renew my perspective, and He renews my strength. This world may rob me of all I cherish in this world. But my peace in Christ Jesus cannot be stolen.

The inhabitants of this earth will never be at peace with each other. This fallen world is populated with sinful people. Even the "good" taint their goodness with the sin of self-righteousness and judgmental attitudes.

Genuine peace ​can only be achieved through our Heavenly Father the Creator, and His Son Jesus Christ. In Him, I find shelter from my fears and freedom from my cares and concerns.
                                                    
                                                    Revelation 22:13   |   John 16:33  

I encourage you to share how your faith has brought you peace in times of trial.

As I 'patiently'  wait on the Lord for His timing, how can the years and the time fly by so quickly yet at the same time find myself in exactly the same place I was years before?

In my heart, I understand His ways are greater and higher. Every day I recite to myself, "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11  I get it, I really do.

- At least I want to believe I do.

I'm still on my journey of faith. My library of prayer journals assures me that I have made my heart's desires known to my Father in heaven. Devotions every morning, My Utmost..., Living Every Day..., One Year Bible Devotional, and now Jesus Calling.   He's still calling. I'm still listening -  still persevering in my faith. 

My writing is therapeutic. But it takes time and energy. It's difficult to believe that it has been almost eight months since my last 'journey entry.'  Much has happened in those many months. Life has been chaotic, unsettled, tiresome, and to be honest - discouraging. Despite my intentions to write, I just couldn't find the energy. I wanted to continue sharing my journey. But I chose my devotions over my writing. 

My faith is essential. It is essential that I stay connected with God. Though someone may stumble on to my Utmost Journey blog one day, and be encouraged, my time with God is life-giving water. Without it, I couldn't face the trials of this life with strength. He is my strength.

If there is anyone out there, who read this blog and thought I had retreated from the journey. I have not. It's that time flew by as I found myself standing still, unable to move, clinging to God so as not to stumble into a pit of despair.

A few months ago I visited a different church because I would not be able to attend home church services. As a visitor gift, I received a copy of Jesus Calling. 
I hadn't planned on visiting that church. I never felt led to purchase a copy of this devotional for myself. God, however, knew it would be a source of encouragement to me in a time of great need. Just the right human words and just the right time. Just the right scriptures to assure me God still loves me. He still cares when I hurt, and that He is still the One in control.

I'm still on this journey of faith. I'm just traveling with different reading material at the moment. I'm Still Listening as Jesus is calling.

                                        Isaiah 41:10   |    Zephaniah 3:17    |  Psalm 34:19

Lord, today and every day, help us to call on you to be our strength and our guide.

1 Corinthians 12:7 Each believer has received a gift that manifests the Spirit’s power and presence. That gift is given for the good of the whole community. (VOICE)

God has gifted each of us with the gift of His choosing, for His intended purpose. In my quest to find my "calling," or path, or destiny, I wonder how often I have disrupted His plan by ignoring or doubting it, or by giving it little consideration at all.

It may be that I spend so much time "searching" that I fail to act or follow through with what I believe God wants me to do. What is it that holds me back? Is it insecurity, fear - lack of trust?

I devote time to God's Word and prayer. I strive to live a life of holiness. I draw on the power of the Holy Spirit to find strength in times of trial. Still, I have a sense that I am leaving something undone.

Could it be that I am "hoarding" the gifts God has given me? Am I using the gift of His power and my faith only for my personal spiritual growth or gain? Have I limited His effectiveness in my life by trusting Him in my world, but not trusting Him to send me into His?

Phil 2:1-4 Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.
3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. (NLT)

As I allow God to purify my heart and empower me by His Spirit, I pray for the courage to follow wherever it is He may choose to lead me. In Jesus' name.

Micah 6:8 O man, He has told you what is good. What does the Lord ask of you but to do what is fair and to love kindness, and to walk without pride with your God? (NLV)

Why do some attempt to put holiness living in a negative light? Certainly, it is part of the spiritual warfare going on in the world. Those who follow Christ rather than the world - that just isn't "cool." In the event this maneuver proves ineffective, accusations of elitism and self-righteousness may ensue. When all else fails, any flaws and failures must be discovered and exploited. 

Living a life of holiness can make one a target. Unless one lives a life of solitude and is not engaging the world, the likelihood of experiencing one or all of these attacks is inevitable.

How can these tactics be so useful? Because to a greater or lesser degree, We are vulnerable to each one. Any one of them could be true. Regardless of whether or not we have decided to follow Christ, we are born with a sin nature. To deny it is to declare God a liar.

When we seek the approval of others instead of God, the mocking may be effective in leading us off the path of holiness. If we maintain a holy life is it because we have never experienced any significant challenge to it? If we're not careful, we could fall victim to a prideful attitude. If we have escaped that particular snare but are not mindful of our demeanor, others could still perceive us to be self-righteous. Lastly, the ugly fact is that we all do have failures - maybe even skeletons in our closets. Any one of which could be selected and used against us.

In Christ, our sins cannot condemn us. We must, however, be mindful that our actions reflect on Him and the body of Christ.

Romans 5:1 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. (ESV)

Psalm 94: 18-19        18 If I say, “My foot is slipping,”
                                   Your faithful love will support me, Lord.
                                        19 When I am filled with cares,
                                   Your comfort brings me joy. (HSCB)

What a beautiful picture of our Lord. Always there. Faithful. Supportive. Encouraging.

I admit, there have been times I've thought to myself, "I am on the edge right now." I've even heard the words come out of my mouth. Things were piling up, going wrong, or just not happening as quickly as I wanted. I could have written the Psalmist's words myself.

More times than I can count, the faithful love of the Lord has supported me when "my foot was slipping."  He lovingly put His arm around me, took my hand and "walked me back from the edge."

I am acutely aware of all the anxiety, cares, and concerns that come in this life. My stress doesn't disappear because I have put my trust in Jesus Christ. But when I sit down with Him each morning and let Him speak to me through His Word, His love, and His comfort replaces my cares with joy.

Romans 4:7-8        7 “Oh, what joy for those
                               whose disobedience is forgiven,
                              whose sins are put out of sight.
                                      8 Yes, what joy for those
                    whose record the Lord has cleared of sin.” (NLT)