On this our 28th anniversary October 15, 2022, I am declaring by faith this 12th year of separation will be the last one I have to celebrate separated from my husband Larry.
I declare that the TRUTH will be acknowledged by the new magistrate assigned to his case of the court whose responsibility it is to uphold our protections guaranteed by this nation’s Constitution. And that all deceit, abuse of discretion, and injustice of the trial court will be exposed and create an awareness of the reality of the multitude of others who suffer judicial injustices every.single.day. Crimes deserve to be sentenced according to the law - not sentenced by twisted and manipulated abuse of the laws to reach the desired outcome.
I praise God today and every day for my answered prayers for Larry’s faith in Jesus Christ. My “Whatever it takes prayer,” resulted in an uncharacteristic, unbelievable, shocking, and yes - life-threatening event. (Emphasis on a singular event.)
God protected me amid satan’s attack on me through his attack on Larry. Whether it was physical, a mental break or a chemical reaction due to newly prescribed medications he had taken, my prayers for Larry were effective. I was no threat until I prayed for Larry’s salvation and essentially told satan, “In the name of Jesus Christ I claim victory for Larry. You (satan) cannot continue distracting and deceiving and denying God access to his heart.”
God healed me completely through the doctors and caregivers he gave the wisdom, and talents HE used to do so. Even down to the insignificant regrowth of fingernails that could possibly have never regrown. He provided for our needs through the extraordinary generosity of friends and others, and enabled our son Austin and me to continue to live in the house that his father and I built for our family.
God heard my prayers for my family and those who know and love me - not to let confusion, fear, uncertainty or anger poison their souls with unforgiveness. I praise God that it has not.
My life and its purpose are by God’s design. Whether I fulfill it, is my choice. I am called to live out this faith He placed in my heart so it may lead others to the love, forgiveness, grace, and mercy of God through His Son Jesus Christ. I cannot know the big picture when my view is limited to this day and any particular event. Perhaps what happened to Larry and me has as much to do with my prayers for him as it has to do with others I have never met. Perhaps it was to show us a world we would have never known otherwise. Perhaps God permitted hearts and minds to be blinded and or deceived, and hardened allowing the shocking injustices to occur for the greater purpose of revealing the reality of what others experience, Every. Single. Day. He removed my ignorance about our judicial system which caused me to assume it was fair and impartial.
Perhaps through this one terrible event, God answered my prayers for Larry, for other family members, as well as my ‘Jabez prayer’ - for Him to expand my territory. Perhaps sharing my “Crazy Faith’ (I recently the Transformation Church youtube channel) is what my purpose is.
It occurred to me; what if my silence has delayed God’s blessing of restoration and reunion? What if my concern about what others would think is holding me back from doing the very thing God is waiting for me to do… Share what He’s done. Then trust Him with what He plans to do with it.
My anniversary gift to us is my obedience to God to share this truth and my testimony of faith. I will no longer stay patient and silent, believing judicial integrity will triumph on its own. I will no longer concern myself with how this truth may impact others - whether they will be skeptical cynics or patronizers who pity me for my ‘foolishness.’
I Corinthians 1:21 In God’s wisdom, he determined that the world wouldn’t come to know him through its wisdom. Instead, God was pleased to save those who believe through the foolishness of preaching.
It is now 3:12 in the afternoon. When we married 28 years ago October 15, 1994, right around this same time, it was a day much like it is in 2022. The sun shining, the beautiful blue sky, and all the colorful trees of Fall made it the perfect day. Today, though it appears to be the same perfect day, it is far from perfect when we cannot share it together.
…What God has joined.
Like salvation, we cannot "misplace" our liberty. We can, however, forfeit it, either through indifference, choice, or negligence. Jesus Christ died for the sins of all those who believe in Him and of His Blood sacrifice.
Those who founded this nation on the principles of freedom knew that it is not free. Brave men and women, though not sinless, have sacrificed lives, limbs, and livelihoods for us to live with the blessing of freedom.
God has promised He will never leave nor forsake us. Deut. 31:6 He will not prevent us from abandoning Him. Our Heavenly Father desires our love but will never compel it. He gives us the freedom to enjoy His blessings even if we choose not to acknowledge that He is the source. He informs us of the dangers of disobedience and is heartbroken when our free will to sin harms the innocent.
He provides clear instructions on how to live free. Hebrews 13:1,5-9
13 Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters... 5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have because God has said,
"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
6 So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?"
7 Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. 8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
9 Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange teachings.
Christians founded our nation on the principles of the Bible. The Constitution is the framework for our liberty. We are at liberty to give up the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ. We are also free to give up the blessings of freedom and reject personal responsibility that accompanies it.
I don't appreciate others choosing how I should live my life - deciding my future for me. Most have not had that experience. Once you do, the freedom to determine one's destiny becomes more valuable.
I value my freedom so I plan to vote for candidates who I believe will honor their oath to uphold the Constitution and defend the protected liberties contained therein.
We must all decide for ourselves which ones will do so.
Democratic Platform GOP Platform
It appears that bad-mouthing, humiliating, and abusing law enforcement officials are all the rage at the moment. Because, somehow, the horrific abuse of power displayed in Minneapolis is indicative of how the entire law enforcement community performs. If anyone cares to look at the statics, they would see that it is not true. But not many are interested in the statistics. It is only one’s feelings about the subject that matters. I get it. Feelings of outrage, feelings of injustice are not unfamiliar to me. However, temper tantrums in the form of anarchy, does not, and will not resolve these very real issues.
It is easy to suggest that everyone should just “respect and obey the instructions of an officer,” If we find ourselves in that position. Some find it easy to declare “If you didn’t do anything wrong you should have a problem complying with requests.” In theory that may be true, however, if you are raised in an environment of mistrust of law enforcement, you are less likely to fall for that line. If one is aware they have committed a minor infraction, but are conditioned to believe that they will be accused of a much more serious crime, resisting may seem like the lesser of two evils.
There is an element of a race issue in this truth, in that it is not a “life lesson” that is taught in the “white” community. But it is no less true that they can experience the same treatment from a county prosecutor - they are just ignorant of the politics involved in the justice system. I certainly was.
We talk about the prison population and justice reform, and some problems are certainly being addressed. President Trump granting Alice Marie Johnson clemency for her absurd sentence is only one example. The First Step Act is another. This act addresses Federal and “non-violent” crime. What are the states doing?
Here is the difficult truth we have to face. People who have committed crimes - even those that qualify as “violent,” can experience injustice. Stacked charges to provoke plea deals, and creative prosecution strategies that distort facts, and excessive sentences from judges are but a few of the issues. While it’s easy to claim that there is the right to appeal, they are rarely successful, expensive, and take so long that one must do a cost/benefit analysis to determine if it’s simply not worth the investment. Many just resolve to serve the time - whether they deserve it or not. In recognizing this fact we cannot neglect to acknowledge that most will believe they received too much time. That they believe it does not make it true. While addressing the issue of time, there are victims who may believe that the accused and convicted did not receive enough time for their crime.
There is no easy fix to this very complex problem. This problem involves people. People who have very real feelings of pain, fear, injustice, and outrage. And others who have agendas, biases, egos, and jobs to think of. The common denominator in both is relationships.
This is why we are a country of laws not of men, as attributed to John Adams from 1790:
A Declaration of the Rights of the Inhabitants of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts
In the government of this commonwealth, the legislative department shall never exercise the executive and judicial powers, or either of them: the executive shall never exercise the legislative and judicial powers, or either of them: the judicial shall never exercise the legislative and executive powers, or either of them: to the end it may be a government of laws and not of men.
We have indeed lost our way. The cause? Pride and power, and the politics of greed and envy. We have lost our way because we allow our feelings and our offended sensibilities to direct our responses to crime. At some point, through the actions of our judicial system - (at all levels) we have become a government of men rather than of laws.
In summary, the judicial system has become institutionalized vigilantism.
We are a government of the people, by the people, and for the people. We vote for our lawmakers, for our local officials, prosecutors, and judges. The problem we face now is one of moral relativism and decay. For decades we have permitted the courts, government, and the culture to slowly erode the moral compass that guided the founding fathers and gave them their vision for our Constitutional Republic.
Our elected officials are dependent on the approval of the voters. Our “free press” no longer is concerned with truth. Rather, the voters are manipulated by media, provoked into outrage - whether the outrage is justified or not. What is the result? Feelings of the outrage drive the elected officials. - We are left with the very vigilantism that the judicial system is intended to control.
These observations are not those of one looking in on it from the outside. I’ve never been accused of a crime but I have had the unique opportunity to see this system from two perspectives. I was directly involved in two criminal cases. The first taught me lessons on the second.
My first experience with the criminal court (not as the accused) enlightened me to the truth about “how they do things” in my county. My second experience showed me that not all courts are created equal. They both showed me that few people care about the process. The second showed me there is at least one judge in my county who cares about applying justice according to the law.
Though the state legislatures have passed the laws the courts are to follow, and the prosecutors are charged with prosecuting crimes, not all courts administer equal justice under the law. Justice is not always easy to define. There may be mitigating factors that justify different sentences for two separate crimes with the same outcome. There are facts and evidence, but there is also the truth behind them. There is no justice if the truth is theorized, politicized, and manipulated to appeal to an angry mob, to push a particular agenda, or even to “make an example of” the accused.
Prosecutors can twist the truth like a pretzel, present theory as fact without supporting evidence, dismiss direct testimony as “minimizing” the crime. Then to follow is the appellate court reviewing the case in the light “most favorable to the state.” State Supreme Courts only agree to hear a very small percentage of the appeals that come before them - and when they do it is unlikely to rule against the state. It’s not about the law, seeking truth, and administering justice.
I know this injustice occurs because I have lived it for the past ten years - as the victim making every attempt to get an unjust vigilante prosecution and bench conviction corrected. I experienced a county prosecutor, the judge, and an appellate court disregard the truth in favor of a far worse scenario. The crime just as it happened was not enough. They distorted evidence to make a single crime become two. - Together, the prosecution and the court indulge their own flavor of vigilantism. A self-righteous form of justice. I have had the rude awakening to the fact that it's all about relationships and preserving the institution.
Injustice happens. - In the courtrooms and judge's chambers every day. It is an ugly truth we need to face and resolve.
Why such a light sentence? Why such a severe sentence? High bail imposed? Released on recognizance? Continuance granted - or not. The “discretion” granted the court becomes ambiguity which cuts both ways. It can be as unfair to the accused as it is to the victim of the crime.
It is unwise to allow celebrity or social media outrage and inflamed public passions, followed by knee-jerk reactions of elected officials to drive the legislative and judicial processes. Too often there is a “do something to do something” mentality, only thinking about the ramifications of the action taken when it is too late.
Cops using excessive force is not nearly as widespread as overzealous and deceptive prosecution practices - (even at the highest levels of government.) Add to it the excessive sentencing handed down by the courts. The result is an unfounded distrust of all law enforcement officers.
Why is no one talking about the real problem?
Why should I care about what is happening in Washington, DC., when I have so much to worry about in my own life - when you can't believe anything they say, and it is so depressing? - When people mock me, saying, "You can't do anything about it anyway."
This may be a question you ask yourself. You may, like me, have a job that requires a huge investment of your time. There is the maintenance of your home, finances, and family. Perhaps you have family health or relationship concerns that consume your thoughts and emotions. Those with children must invest time and energy into their care, diapers to daycare, homework to after school activities. And for the devoutly religious, attending devotions and services take priority.
It is exhausting thinking about all the things that consume our time. With all these concerns, why would we want to bother with DC politics? Why would it even be on our radar? The politicians will do what politicians do. They can’t be trusted anyway, right?
Perhaps. But what I have realized in the past couple of weeks is, the politics of Washington are a Big City example of Smalltown America. It is a glaring example of why our Constitution and the rule of law must be protected, not “interpreted” into something it was never meant to be. We must prevent it from morphing into a “democratic socialism" perversion. We must expect those who have taken an oath to protect and defend our Constitution and the liberty it guarantees to do so.
Our nation is diverse, filled with wide-ranging and differing ideas on how "life" should be lived. That is the beauty of America. It is also what makes preserving our republic such a challenge. We may all agree that liberty is a wonderful thing. We don't all agree, however, on how it presents itself.
At its inception, our Founding Fathers provided the document to assist future generations in navigating the inevitable changes that would occur. Even then, it was apparent that it would be a challenge to keep the representative republic they crafted. They provided the opportunity for us to choose to exchange our God-given rights for government promises. Today, it appears many are opting for those governmental "freebie" promises.
Many find it unacceptable to submit to an unknown Authority, the Creator of the universe. They have no problem, however, submitting to the power of a bureaucratic government. There is skepticism at the thought of a Divine Creator, yet no consideration given to the reality of sinful man capable of corrupting the purest of intentions.
As I have watched the now three-year relentless pursuit to take down our President, it has become more personal to me. How could Washington politics be personal? It is the all-to-familiar injustice of the process.
The tactics of those seeking to bring charges against President Trump, first the "independent" counsel, and now Mr. Schiff, anonymous sources, whistleblowers, and hear-say witnesses, and one-sided rules, prompt me to relive the past ten years.
Those who are advocating for increased governmental intervention into our lives must be willing to accept that flawed human beings will administer its application. Personal experiences and history present themselves in the form of our beliefs, opinions, and biases. There is no shortage of bias on either side of the aisle.
No party affiliation is exempt from those who lack integrity. To believe otherwise is foolish.
There are honorable, selfless public servants, and there are corrupt, self-serving ones. Some are humble enough to invite the ideas of others, while others are arrogant, believing they are smarter than their constituents and colleagues. There are impressive leaders at every level of government, we can, however, find an equal number of poor ones. And on any given day, the good ones can be enticed into crossing the line - or be accused of crossing it.
As our culture moves farther away from an acknowledgment of a Divine Creator, and as we place our faith and trust in the people we elect to represent us, it won't be long before we learn a painful lesson. Absent righteous guiding principles, our nation will be guided by whatever happens to be trending at any given moment.
Truth has remained the bubble at the center of the level of our pursuit of righteousness. Facts and evidence determine objective truth, yet individuals can interpret identical facts differently and believe opposing things to be true. Truth is no longer the benchmark. Nuances of "my" truth and "your" truth have lowered the bar.
My revelations are the result of years of "fighting city hall," observing the framing of national politics, and from actually reading the Constitution and state law. My hyper-focus on truth instilled in me as a child. Because the truth is often open to interpretation, integrity must be its companion.
Every day, I live the consequences of someone else's interpretation of "my" truth - of the twisting and manipulation of the truth. This at the hand of (in my opinion), an arrogant prosecutor. One with an agenda, unwilling to believe the "victim" for which he is allegedly assigned to advocate. True, the prosecutor is the representative of the state. But to charge an individual with a crime against the state, there must be a victim.
I trusted representative for the state, and seated behind the bench, to act with integrity, to uphold the laws of the state. I accepted that the consequences would not be pleasant and troubled by the realization that I would necessarily be separated from my husband while he served an appropriate sentence required by law. I soon found out just how my misguided faith in our justice system left the door open to abuses of power by both the county prosecutor as well as the judge deciding the case.
"The state" indicted my husband on a multitude of charges -supposedly in the name of justice. Blindly trusting the judicial system, I didn't believe the individuals elected to uphold the law would manipulate and abuse the lawful statutes enacted by our state legislature. I thought we had protection from being twice punished for the same crime.
My dad taught me to "just tell the truth." It was safe to tell him the truth. I could trust him with the truth. The warning was clear; the truth would not absolve me of any unpleasant consequences. It would, however, prevent the unfortunate results of being dishonest.
Decades later, I discovered that it isn't always safe, to swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. In the wrong hands, it will be ignored at best, and at its worst, will be twisted, manipulated, and "interpreted" to fit the desired narrative.
Those who have had no exposure to the judicial system or governmental intrusions into our lives, likely trust that our rights are always protected, and that due process assures us that we will receive justice. The truth - the state holds all the cards. Our miranda and all other rights are meaningless when the local court, the prosecutor, and defense attorneys have their own "way of doing things." That's why we have an appellate process. We are all afforded due process. Right?
Yes, we are. And in some cases, that due process may bring justice. But at what price to an innocent person? How many years of their life? How much collateral damage caused? Though the majority who find themselves incarcerated are not guiltless- the incarceration of innocent individuals is the most egregious. Even one case of False Justice is one too many. The years stolen, the lives wasted, never to be retrieved.
Given today's prison population, I doubt it is an overstatement that there are hundreds of thousands of prison inmates sentenced to far more years than necessary and for some more than even lawful.
That doesn't happen in America! - But it does - every day. "You do the crime; you do the time." That's something we non-criminals like to spout out in righteous indignation. Does that mean that rights mean nothing when a crime is committed? That the law is bendable to fit a prosecutor's objective? No.
For nearly 48 years of my life, I had no first-hand experience with the judicial system. My introduction has been a very rude awakening to the reality of the system.
As the "victim" of the crime - the serious crime, theoretically, I should be thrilled with how the prosecutor multiplied a single event into multiple crimes. A normal person would have given a powerful impact statement imploring the judge to deliver the maximum sentence possible. I did not.
As a victim of a home invasion/burglary, one might believe I would have given an impact statement requesting the maximum sentence for the individuals who had committed multiple break-ins in my community, over several weeks. I could have, but I did not. I was already aware of my state's "purposes of felony sentencing." I was aware of how my local prosecutor manipulates the law and over-indicts to compel plea-bargains. I was aware that some defense attorneys are players in the plea-bargain game and that at least one of the judges does not call balls and strikes in their judicial "game" - and is likely a participating player in the game. I missed work to attend most of the hearings and witnessed several sentence hearings. Instead, I saw a judge who was concerned with the law, and the purposes of felony sentencing. I saw impartial patience, and when tested - intolerance of disrespect to the court. I felt confident that her judgment would be fair and lawful. The other victim giving an impact statement, attended previous hearings and agreed.
Rights and the laws are meaningless if they are not respected and upheld by the court in which the cases are tried. Our rights are meaningless when appellate benches are filled with fellow members of Bar Associations and are reluctant, if not unwilling, to overrule a lower court's decision. Relationships matter. They have influence and can benefit either side, depending on whether the previous connection is a good one or a bad one. Add to the fact that a court will decide a case most favorable to the state.
Relationships matter, ideology matters, agenda matters, impartiality matters, truth, evidence, and the rule of law all matter. - But for many, it doesn't seem to matter much. "The did the crime; they can do the time."
The processes and decisions of two separate judicial proceedings have impacted my life in entirely different ways. One delivered justice and closure; the other, skepticism, and questions regarding corruption within the local and appellate judicial process — a system lacking adequate oversight and legitimacy. For me, it now brings into question every crime report.
This week, we can watch - if we choose, the impeachment inquiry. Many have predetermined the outcome, with the strategic planning well in advance. Those bringing charges against the President have an agenda in mind, as do those who are defending him, both claiming righteous causes.
To uncover the truth, one must be able to listen to testimony and view the evidence in context. Then make an objective determination absent prejudice or agenda - instead, we can find it in abundance. We lack, perhaps, the most essential element of objectivity - humility. Some on both sides may have deceptive and sinister intentions, but I doubt it is the majority. More likely, it is that we all hold passionate beliefs.
Passionately held beliefs are not a bad thing unless our passion removes the ability to review opposing views with objectivity. Procedures - whether political or judicial, in Washington, your local government, or even on the playing field, if not performed in fairness and objectivity, are meaningless. Oversight committees are to protect against government corruption. Appellate courts are to protect against injustice and protect our rights as citizens. Coaches throw their red flags, requesting an official review when they question the fairness of a call on the field.
The commonality between them - each side will have those who lack the humility to accept the results with grace. Wisdom to know when we should accept the results, and when it is time to"resist, persist, and insist," is what we hope for.
One line in the sand for me is when I know the truth, have told the truth, and the prosecutor and courts have chosen to ignore the truth, instead, selecting a preferred agenda.
Another line is hypocrisy, deceit, and the attempted coup of a duly elected President.
I confess, a bad call by an official or an offensive NCAA ruling, though annoying and perhaps offensive, is low on my list of priorities.
I fear, however, many more are offended by a bad call that may have changed the outcome of one game, than the many bad calls in our courts. An unjust ruling to remove a player from a game appears to be more outrageous than an unjust procedure designed with the intent of removing a President who is hated by some and respected by others.
20 Wisdom calls out in the street;
she raises her voice in the public squares.
21 She cries out above[i] the commotion;
she speaks at the entrance of the city gates:
22 “How long, foolish ones, will you love ignorance?
How long will you mockers enjoy mocking
and you fools hate knowledge? Proverbs 1: 20-22
It has been quite a while since I have written. My heart has not been silent. I confess, however, that it has been disappointed one time too many. Though I searched for words and inspiring messages, there were none to be found. I was empty after the injustice we experienced from 11th District last year. That disappointment was bad enough. The follow-up was the decline of the Supreme Court to hear the case. Perhaps worst of all was the knowledge that the same appellate court overturned another appellee's sentence in which he cited the case we presented to the court.
I will not lie. It is not easy to read in black and white the injustice, to experience disappointment, and disillusionment in our judicial system. It is difficult. Remaining hopeful, not losing faith that justice will prevail - it is excruciatingly painful ... and confusing.
It is now a nearly decade-long assault on our family. There have been mountains of gratitude and valleys of anger and despair. Despite the soul-numbing disappointments, the blessings were apparent throughout the challenges. To preserve the faith that has brought me this far, I needed to immerse my soul in the word until I allowed the Holy Spirit to revive me.
I refused to allow this far-too-long and unnecessary journey to rob me of my faith and can only pray that Larry never loses the faith he is embracing. But I desperately needed God's guidance and strength.
Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21 is the lesson God is teaching me (among others) at this time.
All our plans, my legal research, and the legitimate arguments submitted in our appeals may indeed be sensible human plans. Our "plan" for Larry's sentence to be lawfully corrected quickly may not be the plan that will achieve the Lord's purpose.
And it is His purpose that prevails.
God may or may not choose to reveal His purpose, His manor in achieving it, or how long it will take. He does promise that His plans are always for our good and that we can trust Him.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
For now, I believe He wants me to write for Him again. He has reignited my desire to do so and trust He will use the words He gives me for His purpose and glory.
So it is clear that no one can be made right with God by trying to keep the law. For the Scriptures say, “It is through faith that a righteous person has life.” Galatians 3:11 (NLT)
As I look out my office window at the beautiful sunny Fourth of July, I sit here an "independent." Big deal. I was sentenced to this independence on May 19th for the next - too many years to consider without bursting into tears.
As a woman who loves America and the freedom and liberty, and "the best justice system in the world" (supposedly), I feel there is little for me to celebrate. The prosecutors and court called me a liar and insinuated that I am not intelligent enough to determine what actually happened to me. I know exactly what happened. I know it was not intentional. I know it still required punishment and I know it was not only over prosecuted, but it was also clearly two punishments for the same crime.
Because of a manipulative detective, a self-righteous and arrogant county prosecutor, and an accommodating court - all corrupt and power hungry, I am not free to live my life the way I choose. I, the "victim" for which everyone "seeks justice," am the one who suffers the punishment of loneliness and a future destroyed.
Terms like "to protect the public" and "demean the seriousness," were used to justify two identical sentences for the same crime. Two months have passed, and there is still no reconciling the sentence handed down. I've read the judicial statutes. I've read the appellate cases that reveal what I already know to be true. I've read the Constitution, and each one leaves no question that the sentence was not lawful. It was political and may have been applauded by agenda driven man-haters. But it certainly was not lawful.
I have little faith that the higher courts will rule against one of their own. I have little faith because it is like a super exclusive club. One in which they play each other and worst of all they play the defendants. It's just one big judicial game and as the saying goes - the house always wins.
When someone violates the law, they must pay for the crime. There are statutes, laws written by the state that the court must follow. When they don't, they become criminals when they persecute the innocent or over-prosecute the guilty. I keep hearing about the overpopulated prison system. "We need judicial reform," is the mantra. The state needs to look at the over-indictments by local prosecutors, the coercion to accept plea "deals" (or suffer the consequences), and the unlawful sentences handed down that multiplies the burden on the state.
...in addition to multiplying the everyday burdens by forcing me to face them alone.
There are honorable public servants, and this is not directed at them. They know who they are, how they lied, and they believe they will get away with it. Unfortunately, they cast doubt on the entire system.
As the Scriptures say, “No one is righteous — not even one. Romans 3:10 (NLT)
I thank God for my freedom is in Christ because it certainly cannot be found here.
But the Scriptures declare that we are all prisoners of sin, so we receive God’s promise of freedom only by believing in Jesus Christ. Galatians 3:22 (NLT)
I'm still incredulous at what happened. One week ago she declared, with a surprising degree of animosity, "You coulda killed her! - Almost did... inches...seconds. Only by the grace of God is she here." Her exercise in authoritarian admonishment was strictly for show. It could never make him any more sorry for what he did than he already is.
In fact, it was only by the grace of God that did I refrain from standing and telling her what I really think of her remarks.
I still get angry at the realization that they have usurped my experience - my tragedy, to satisfy a personal or political agenda. Rather than listening to the "victim" and making an evaluation based on actual evidence, the judge relied upon the more "creative" version of the story.
At this time last week, I was doing the re-writes on my impact statement. Surely, the judge would see that my words are my own, not coerced, controlled or influenced in any way except by my desire for the truth to be heard, known, and believed.
I remember my anxiety and blood pressure rising at the thought of giving my statement. Confirming the turtleneck shirt is a definite necessity today. I received a text, asking how I was doing. Sharing that I was having trouble deciding what to include and omit, she advised, "Ask the Holy Spirit to help you." I had been doing that for the past month but still found myself struggling even at this late hour. Even so, her words and the knowledge of all the prayers on our behalf brought me encouragement and comfort.
I listened to the prosecution dramatically tell his version of my story; anger replaced my anxiety and apprehension. "Oh no, you don't get to do that!" I thought to myself. The concerns about the re-writes and my speech-giving abilities evaporated. God used my anger as a motivator for me. - Oh boy, did God motivate me after listening to the prosecutor's tale of fiction!
No longer did I feel anxious. Instead, I felt challenged. - Challenged to expose the lies. I felt challenged to renounce their assumptions and make it known that I am not some mindless follower deceived by my own wishful thinking. One must wonder. How is it possible for me to successfully make my case to everyone else who chooses to truly listen and who wants to know the truth, - but not to the ones who have gone all in on their agenda?
Justice may be elusive for the time being. The illogical judgment may bring a sense of victory in the office that continues to pursue their own agenda. It will not go unchallenged. The shady practices will not be kept hidden. The state and the judge who imposed the sentence disregarded the statute stating the overriding purposes of felony sentencing. Sanctions are to be imposed using the minimum sentence to achieve the goal of punishment and/or rehabilitation with the least burden to the state. To do so would bring into question all the tactics and legal maneuvers that led to the first ridiculous coerced plea agreement.
"Bleeding-heart liberal,"and my name could never be used in the same sentence. Now, however, I question every criminal report and every imposed sentence I hear that gets my attention. How it disappointing to have my naive vision of a fair and impartial justice system crushed.
The appeals process will begin. Hopefully, the appellate courts will view the tactics of the judicial system in my county as egregious as I and those who are experiencing it with me have. I pray my faith in this system can be restored. Perhaps, that is why we must endure this injustice and separation longer than the law requires.
Tomorrow, I will list all the laws that were abused by those who are supposed to uphold it - from the beginning - or at least all the ones I can remember. The list is a long one.
What a shame that we can't find today, more of the integrity and unconventional as that of Solomon.
1 Kings 3:16-28
Another day down. I've now left work early for the second day. Fortunately, (or unfortunately, depending on one's perspective), work has slowed down a bit, and I'm able to leave without creating a hardship for those with whom I work. I can't say with any degree of certainty when it is that I will be 'me' again. I don't know if that will happen any time soon.
The memories of May 19th consume my thoughts. They invade every hour of every day. The normal things that fill our lives: family, friends, responsibilities, they are now random distractions from the thoughts that fill my mind.
They are angry thoughts - very angry thoughts.
Ephesians 4:26-27 When you are angry, don’t let it carry you into sin. Don’t let the sun set with anger in your heart or 27 give the devil room to work.
I would like to tell the world that I have lived up to Jesus' example. - I cannot. Sure, I may not have acted against someone sinfully. I am guilty of a multitude of ungodly thoughts and attitudes. Destroying my Christian witness is and remains my greatest fear. The degree of my anger, may not be evident. My actions may not bring shame upon Christ's name. But God knows what's in my heart. 1 John 3:19-20
Betrayal, it is an offense one must make the effort to get over. You may think, "Your husband shot you. That is a bit more than betrayal." I am well aware of what he did. I have not suppressed the memory. And contrary to the state's declaration, I have not "minimized" what happened seven years ago. I remember it as it actually happened. It was serious not slippery. It was bizarre not betrayal.
I needed time to heal both physically and emotionally. God in His infinite mercy healed my body in just a couple months. He restored my strength within a year. Emotional healing was instantaneous the moment I surrendered and accepted what I already knew to be true. My husband did, in fact, love and care about Austin and me. This truth became apparent when I ceased choking down the Kool-Aide that the authorities were serving me. I never drink the stuff again, neither metaphorical or otherwise.
Larry was broken, but he did not betray me. He is not a heartless murderer with no remorse and no concern for his family. Larry was spiritually broken and in grave danger of spiritual death. - As we all are, apart from Christ Jesus. He was deceived, and he was in bondage. He was blind to it, but I was not. I prayed for victory over the threat. I prayed for victory against an enemy hoping to destroy him and to destroy my faith that God had not forsaken us.
The fight has not been easy. The spiritual battle was won on May 4th. It was a fierce spiritual showdown in this physical world. It was not 'Larry' who wanted to end my life that day. It was the enemy who wanted me out of the way. His actions were not done knowingly nor purposefully. It was an unreasonable action from a meticulously reasoned person. I said then. I said it in court, and I've said it consistently as soon as the pain medications left were out of my system and my brain no longer in a fog.
Deception, like beverages com in many flavors. The flavor they served my family and me was Larry's betrayal. I choked it down because I thought it was my only choice. Peace returned the second I accepted what I knew to be true. I was no longer tormented when I chose to reject the Kool-Aide of deception and drank in what I know to be true. I trusted those serving their version of the truth. I convinced myself I must trust people I had before never met in my life.
I was not betrayed by the people I knew I could trust. I accepted the deceptive concoction from people and institutions I was taught, and believed, that I could trust. I now gag on the memories of the pretense of integrity, the disingenuous concern, and the self-righteous indignation.
Perspective determines the flavor of 'kool-aide' others choose to serve and that which we may choose to consume. I took a sip, but it tasted foul. I didn't consume enough to poison the truth.
Now, I must be cautious of my anger - that I don't allow it to betray me as well as my faith in The Truth.
"Go ahead, get a new attorney. You can get OJ's dream team, and I will sit in the back of the courtroom and laugh when you're sentenced to 40 years." This is just one of the nightmares in the past seven years.
No, that isn't the intimidation of a county prosecutor. Amazingly, that was the 'advice' of defense counsel. No, it was not a court appointed attorney either. It is intimidation experienced by my husband from the attorney he hired to defend him. Granted, it was a poor and reckless choice. One he wouldn't have made had he been in any state of mind to make such a critical decision. A choice he was prohibited from correcting once he realized the grave error he made. This, the first in a long list of abuses we have experienced.
What was his crime? - My husband shot me.
So now you may be thinking, "He gets what he deserves." You do the crime; you do the time. That is the way the law is supposed to work. But as you read the experiences, challenges, and trials we've faced you may just re-think what you believe about American justice.
Never denying the seriousness of the crime, my husband and I are only seeking an appropriate sentence. Now, with a new attorney seven years later, we have learned that truth has very little to do with justice in the local judicial system.
Hindsight really is 20/20. It was naive for me to assume that when I clarified and corrected the errors and misconceptions about what happened on May 4th, 2010 that the prosecution would see how the evidence did not support the theory they conjured up. Surely, the judge would be interested in making sure that the case would not appear in an appellate court yet again.
My husband had the testimony and support of our son, my family and our friends. I presented my impassioned plea for her to be merciful to us. Annoyed and empowered by the lies I had just heard recited as "fact," my anxiety about public speaking disappeared. I made every effort to fill the room with my voice just as the prosecutor had with his deep, loud voice. Without the advantage of daily practice. Our son had told me I needed to get a backbone, stand up there, and set them straight.
"You know that is not me," I protested. "How am I supposed to do that?"
"Well, you just have to do it," he replied. I succeeded. Later, I got a, "You did a good job," from him. Apparently, it was the only value my statement had.
Looking her in the eye, I detailed only a few of the many specific errors of "fact" on record. I assured her that the fictional, based-on-a-true-story case the prosecution presented, was just that - fiction. While listening, the judge offered a disingenuous nod of understanding. Surely, they all understood now. Right?
One would think so. But that is not the case.
Before sentencing, the state preceded to repeat the very same factual inaccuracies (lies?) that I had just refuted in my statement. Then followed up with the insinuation that I was minimizing the crime and blaming everyone else. - This statement from the person I still, with everything in me, hoped was a person of integrity. Wrong.
It is now undeniable. Those in charge of representing the state locally, are not interested in serving the best interest of the state when adjudicating cases. It is an ongoing tally of wins and losses. A game of power, ego, covering your backside, and making the headlines.
Instead of receiving a reasonable, lawful, and appropriate sentence, the judge used what amounts to an algebraic calculation to achieve the already determined number they were seeking. By torturing the truth and performing judicial gymnastics, they managed to get a sentence of 22 years. Creatively sentencing 12 mandatory years from one weapon, while only sentencing ten years for the actual crime. Increasing his sentence from his previously coerced 20-year plea agreement.
Someone found a way to abuse the integrity and intent of the laws of our state. (Yes, that is a biased opinion.)
Before my personal experience and dealings with the judicial system, I could not imagine this happening. I'm finding that it happens far too often.
I have no doubt many public servants serve with integrity, and use wisdom when administering justice. But those who don't cast doubt on the integrity of those who do, and damage the trust of the public.
If you think the appeals process fixes the problems of the lower courts, think again. Come back for the truth about the time restrictions and "technical" issues that slow down or prevent people getting justice in the higher courts as well.
The judicial system has failed me and is failing others like me. Each post will reveal a different instance of our failing system, of violations of law, and violations liberties. If you or a loved one has experienced similar injustice, or if, unlike me, your local local judicial system has served you well, feel free to share your comments.